Senior Care Academy - A Helperly Podcast

Aging Well: Can Tai Chi Really Help?

• Helperly, Caleb Richardson • Season 3 • Episode 6

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Experience the enlightening journey of Connie Assiff, a passionate caregiver and Tai Chi instructor, who shares her inspiring story about navigating the challenges of caregiving while advocating for holistic health for seniors. From her unexpected start as a caregiver at 25, Connie has dedicated her life to empowering families with the tools and resources needed to ensure aging with dignity. 

In this episode, we delve into the multifaceted lessons she learned over her nearly three-decade-long journey. Connie discusses the current understanding of aging, the importance of health literacy, and the transformative power of Tai Chi for older adults. She emphasizes that exercise is not just about physical well-being but also about emotional resilience, and how incorporating movement into daily life can foster independence and joy in older age.

Listeners will also gain practical insights on how caregivers can seek support systems to alleviate feelings of isolation and overwhelm. Connie's advocacy work fuels a passionate dialog about the necessity of self-care and how it enables caregivers to continue their vital work without sacrificing their own health. 

This episode is a must-listen for anyone involved in caregiving, whether professionally or personally. Discover the refreshing perspective that “self-care is not selfish” as she provides valuable advice and strategies for integrating movement into daily routines. Whether you're a caregiver, a family member, or simply someone interested in aging well, Connie's insights hold wisdom for all. Tune in and be inspired to take action for healthier aging! Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review!

• Overview of Connie's caregiving experiences
• The positive effects of Integrating Tai Chi
• Key lessons learned through caregiving
• Importance of self-care for caregivers
• Tips for younger caregivers feeling overwhelmed
• The role of movement in enhancing quality of life

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Senior Care Academy, a helpfully podcast. I'm your host, caleb, and today we're joined by an incredible advocate for aging well, caregiving and holistic health, connie Asif. Connie became a caregiver at 25 and has spent decades empowering families with resources for aging with dignity, and now she's in her second act as a certified Tai Chi instructor, helping seniors build strength, confidence and mobility. Today we're going to talk to her about her caregiving journey, her advocacy work and the power of Tai Chi in senior health. Connie, thank you so much for jumping on. I'm excited to have a conversation with you.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, I'm excited to be here.

Speaker 1:

Awesome. So the first question is can you take us back to originally, when you became a caregiver at 25? What was that experience like for you?

Speaker 2:

Well, it was, I would say, somewhat of an accident. I was raised by my grandmother. She was the only mom I had and it was supposed to be. I'm having some issues with my health. I need to have a minor surgery and I'm going to come and stay with you for, you know, just to get better, and then I'll go back home. And she never went back home and so she stayed with me and what I determined and what I saw over time is that she was really declining.

Speaker 2:

She was in her, you know, memory skills, like she would forget things, but she would also have hallucinations, which I thought could be side effect of medications. But the key really was until she started to tell my father that also was staying with us, I was taking care of him as well. She said I think Connie is trying to kill me, wow. And my father said no, connie would never do that. And that's she was not like kidding, it was real. And so from that I said we need to go to the doctor and we need to see what's going on. And I knew about Alzheimer's, but I just knew that President Reagan had Alzheimer's At 25 years old in 1995, that was all that I really knew besides that people forget things that I really knew, besides that people forget things, but I didn't know they would have hallucinations or they would have paranoid thoughts and ideas, and so I would say I felt like I was in the twilight zone.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I feel like you're probably. I mean 30 years, three decades ago now, like it's. I'm sure you weren't the only one. It definitely did not have much research, nearly as much research on memory care and the impacts that it has on people and how to handle it, and so I'm sure you weren't alone in that.

Speaker 2:

You could have Googled things and you wouldn't have found the wealth of knowledge that we have today with AI wealth of knowledge that we have today with AI.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's true. So yeah, over nearly three decades now of caregiving being some aspects. I want to talk more about Tai Chi and how that's come into it. But what are some of the biggest lessons that you've learned? And it sounds like a lot of the lessons you had to almost be self-taught because there weren't a lot of resources.

Speaker 2:

Yes there. So definitely it's a trial and error, but I would say that with any disease, it could be cancer, it could be some type of chronic disease. My dad had diabetes and if you don't know what the right sugar number is, what's normal, what's not, that's not something. That even high blood pressure. I don't have a medical background. I was a business major and I'm a master of business and that's far away from knowing what's a good blood pressure.

Speaker 1:

What's a good number? How do you affect blood pressure? How do you yeah?

Speaker 2:

Right, what's normal normal? And so I had to really get self-taught in health literacy, which I think even at 25, not having a medical background started making me think about older adults, made me think how do they get their information? It would be the same way unless they had a nursing, a doctor, some type of medical background. How would they know that information? So it was a matter of fast forwarding as much as you can Like.

Speaker 1:

I need the cliff note version, yeah give me the cliff note version of what's going on with my body right now.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, yeah. When it's your loved ones it's even more complicated because caregiving you can imagine if I'm 25, these are parents and usually they tell me what to do and they still want to tell me what to do.

Speaker 1:

It's like trying to and you know that you need to tell them what to do, that you have valuable insight, but it still does feel weird to be like, well, I shouldn't be telling mom what she should do with her body, but like so it is a weird kind of dichotomy.

Speaker 2:

So how do you keep respectful, respectfully to them, especially in my culture? You did not question your parents, you did not. My grandmother was born in 23 and 1923. And so you say the 1900s.

Speaker 1:

you know that's a difficulty there to try to balance Exactly, yeah, how did you so, as you experienced that with your own family? How did you start to, like you said, balance respect with? This is important information to help you get better, and what barriers did you have to overcome to get there?

Speaker 2:

Well, the first thing that we needed to do was get a diagnosis. So we got a diagnosis. It took a little bit, but the doctor actually she was a young doctor, and so I really think we don't give generations the credit. I think that they're due Not then and not now.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I was very impressed.

Speaker 2:

I think the doctor was in her early 30s.

Speaker 1:

Wow.

Speaker 2:

So she was able to give me. She was just a primary care physician, not a geriatrician, which is what I would say I would go to at this point.

Speaker 2:

If you can have a good primary care physician, what we would say. And she gave me a letter to help give my family to say this is the stage that you know that that she's in, um my, that my grandmother was in because she had seven children. I was only one of 25 grandchildren, but just managing that. And then the barriers are, and that's with all families and all backgrounds.

Speaker 2:

How do you explain that slowly your mother is going to forget your name, memories about you, memories that you created over a lifetime, yeah, and she will eventually forget. Possibly everyone is different but she's going to forget how to bathe, how to feed herself. How to you know? Slowly, it's what we say is like a big stick board, stick notes on a board and randomly these stick notes come off and there's no rhyme or reason, but they usually revert back to their younger memories, when they were children. They remember things from a long time ago, but they don't remember what they had for breakfast. So to me, learning that people are in denial is like a safety mechanism that I had no idea existed.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Even today, yeah, we deny it because we don't want to accept it. And so then there comes a whole family dynamic of why aren't they, you know, helping? Why aren't you know? I'm out here by myself, I'm dog peddling in the water trying to stay above, and no one is helping.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Connie, what would you say or what advice would you give to younger caregivers that are feeling themselves family caregivers that are feeling overwhelmed by their responsibilities right now?

Speaker 2:

So what I would say at this point? Hopefully you know what. You had some time to plan, maybe, but if you didn't, we need to have a support system, we need to have a support group. If I didn't have those support group around me that I could join online, that I could go in person, then I realized that I wasn't the only one and we still have that feeling, even all these decades later, that I wasn't the only one and we still have that feeling, even all these decades later, that I'm all alone. It's very isolating. A lot of jobs have something called like an employee assistance program, the EAP. They have some like therapy sessions that are free to help you get through this, these life journeys, caregiving. But get all of these support systems in place because people are very well-meaning, but sometimes they'll say, connie, it's going to be all right, you're just exaggerating, it's not really that bad. You really need to talk to somebody that totally gets you and understands what you're going through.

Speaker 1:

I love that. I think it's the most. You touched on a really good point where it's one of the most validating things to be like yes, that is really hard. Other people like you are going through a very similar thing and they got through it. And like this is how you can get through it. And here's the support groups. And it is in any aspect of life, caregiving being a huge one. That takes a toll mentally, physically and emotionally that being able to talk to somebody and then being like it's normal, and you're right that this is very difficult. What inspired you to so? That was where you started, right when you were 25. What inspired you to go beyond personal caregiving and start helping others connect with other like resources and programs.

Speaker 2:

Well, I had, coincidentally, or maybe not, because I think that the life, my, the universe was already destined my, my path was set, I just didn't know it.

Speaker 2:

I joined the health department and that's when I started to learn that there were people out in the community just like me, and when I was at health fairs they had no idea. They were deer in the headlights when they got the diagnosis, just like I was, and I thought I always said, if it was my little sad story, it's no big deal. Was my little sad story? It's no big deal? But the statistics say, even right now, that one in eight Americans over the age of 65 will develop Alzheimer's or some fatal form of dementia. And at 85, if both you and I were 85, one of us would have it and one of us wouldn't and so we need to see what is the research, what are the studies and where do we get that information? Statistics even say that caregivers will die most oftentimes before the person they're caring for.

Speaker 1:

Like a husband and wife kind of thing. Like they're spending all of their effort to take care of each other.

Speaker 2:

And what we have to teach caregivers is you can't yes, it's a labor of love, but we cannot go down with the ship. Self-care is not selfish with the ship. Self-care is not selfish, it's a necessity. So we could be better, a better husband, a better wife, a better daughter, a better worker, whatever it is that we're doing in life, and so I mean it's very multifaceted yeah.

Speaker 1:

I love that insight. It's very I don't know that I've heard that before. Like I said, like self-care is caring for the other person. There's this quote that I really like and it says uh, rather than you take care of me or I'll take care of you If you take care of me, it's I'll take care of me to take care of you or I'll take care of me for you If you take care of you for me. So, like, taking care of yourself is one of the best ways that you can take care of other people. So I really very good insight. I appreciate that, connie. What so in your work helping connect caregivers and families to the resources, what if you can share an example of a time when you were able to help a family or an individual get access to, like, those life-changing resources that gave them a brighter outcome than what you had to self-teach and figure out yourself?

Speaker 2:

So there were several instances. One that really sticks out in my head, I would say, is there was a caregiver. It was a sister. She was taking care of her disabled brother and he wasn't able to get around. He wasn't mobile. She could get him in the vehicle, but to get care of any kind, it would be more helpful, or telehealth, that would be great if they could do that.

Speaker 2:

But in this instance he needed, like a COVID vaccine, and it was during the height of COVID and I happened to be at the health department, and so I was able to arrange someone to come out to the vehicle to give him his vaccine and to make sure that, you know, he was safe. She was safe, she didn't have to leave him alone. And then, of course, from there he had to go into a nursing home, a facility heard through my experience that I was an advocate, a long-term care ombudsman, that protect the rights of residents in the nursing homes, and so I was able to help her stay connected with her brother during a time when a lot of those facilities were on lockdown mainly because we didn't know about COVID and the spread and all of that.

Speaker 2:

And I think the thing she said to me I mean, I'm a Christian person, but she said something to me that I never forgot and she said, connie, if it wasn't for you being there, her brother had passed away after you know years. But she kept in contact with me because it meant that much. She said I was just a light, like a lamp onto her feet and I just thought, wow, I mean me. I didn't think that I had done something extraordinary, but when you help someone and you were able to help them care for their loved ones and still take care of themselves, I guess you know what that is a gift and I was glad to do it. I mean, I got more out of that than I thought, than what she did, but you know, yeah, I love that One super unrecognized resources on Bud's bins is like people kind of advocating.

Speaker 1:

But I think you touched on something that has definitely been a throughput for everybody that has been in the senior care space, specifically direct care, helping other people. They always say I get more out of it than I'm giving it feels like because of how fulfilling it is. So that's, I think, the very best. People in the space have that mentality every single day and they're like surprised, like what I had that impact on you. It's like, yes, so you're doing great.

Speaker 2:

And I think that's how we find our calling. I would have never thought that I would have be an Alzheimer's advocate or an advocate for elder care. I remember, I think I had done a health brain. I remember I had one F in my whole entire school career and it was on different parts of the brain. I made an F in health and I just thought in the future there's no way that.

Speaker 2:

I thought I would be talking about brain health and Alzheimer's, but you know what? So that's why I say our paths are set, but you know what? So that's why I say our paths are set. And if we're really good at it and we really can help others, then maybe that's really your calling. And I'm really blessed because I thought, even though it was a lot of suffering, I thought I found my path or actually it found me and I was good at it and I thought and then I don't sleep at night thinking about oh I need to help this person or I need to do this, and I thought, okay, yep, it's, it's my calling.

Speaker 1:

That's awesome, connie. I think that I agree. Like a lot of paths or life callings get, we get led to them almost unintentionally sometimes. You've definitely you've entered kind of this new chapter of life, a little bit of an early retirement. So what does right now, aging well mean to you, now that you've spent three decades and you're not old by any stretch, like 0%? But how does it, now that you're experiencing the very beginning phases of that part of life, what does that mean to you?

Speaker 2:

Well. Aging well for me means to be active and be able to enjoy quality of life. That's something that when I would go into the nursing homes I visited people there for over 10 years and I would see. Even in the nursing homes I would say the people that get the best care are the ones that can move. So my whole thought is we need to be able to move.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, Just something simple. Because as we age, we need those. We need strong legs. We need to, and it's going to be different for every person. It could be I want to spend time with my grandchildren, or I want to do something that doesn't require me to earn a living, Like if I fail at it, it's no big deal.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we'll survive. It's just something that I'm excited about.

Speaker 2:

So that next phase of our life should be exciting. But if we're not in the best health ourselves and I know that in our we were talking about you know how our diet in America sometimes we don't eat the best. We actually eat some very great food, yeah. But, it's not always great for our body.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, tastes super good.

Speaker 2:

But so in that sense, we need to say what can I do to increase my, my quality of life? Most people want to age in place I do as well, and I want to be able to travel and walk around, and I have gone to different places, and it requires walking, going to museums and things that we really enjoy, and so if we could just get this mentality of movement you know, I don't know what is that, disney I like to move it, move it.

Speaker 2:

We need to get that mantra in our head that we like to move it, regardless if we have diabetes or some type of chronic condition, everyone can do some kind of movement. Everyone can do what they can to age well, not only for their physical health but for their emotional. The biggest thing that we die from older adults in this country, which I was so shocked, is falling. Once we fall, then that's physical, but then it affects our mental health and statistically, when I hear that most people they don't recover as well when they fall, they keep falling and then you know it's. But on the same note, we have more centenarians that are living now than we ever have and we're living longer.

Speaker 2:

So that means whatever healthy aging means to each person that could be managing your diabetes that could be managing that high blood pressure, so that we could prevent or lower our risk of Alzheimer's or high blood pressure or these things that are debilitating. Because all of us are very independent, very strong minded, I would say, as Americans, and we don't want to lose our independence. We don't want someone to have to bathe us or clean us or anything. We want to do it ourselves and I think we should. We should age with dignity, but we need to do our part in order for that to happen.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I, I agree.

Speaker 1:

I have a maybe an interesting question, connie, because growing I mean at any phase of life when people haven't, we see, fitness and moving your body a lot of the time is going to the gym. And if people feel awkward moving their body or getting fit at 30 years old because oh well, everybody else is at, you know, you go to the gym and you're with the 1% of the people that work out every day and so of course you feel like out of place and I think, as we get older, um, people, definitely we stopped caring as much about what other people think, but there is still this like little voice in the back of your head that's a little bit self-conscious of like I've never moved before. And I think at the retirement age I think that it is common to switch and be like, ok, I need to really fix my health, but they hadn't, they've never had any sort of fitness thing, of fitness thing. So how can older adults integrate movement like into their daily routine, even if they've never done it before because they had a?

Speaker 2:

busy career or they were busy being a parent for the last 40 years, you know. So what I would say to that is we all, especially in different generations, maybe more than others, I would say older generations typically we have the television, so a lot of us sit and watch TV. Maybe younger generations? They're watching a different monitor. It's just smaller on their hands, but similarly they're sedentary. You don't see people jogging while they're watching TV not normally and you don't see them being active when they're scrolling. So what I would say is TV is a little easier than scrolling on a phone, because you could get some weights while you're sitting down and try to even just do some little something.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, just move your body in a new way.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, you have to do baby steps, and some of that maybe could be listening to the music that was from your generation and maybe just Come back.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, let the vibes come back, just some chair dancing.

Speaker 2:

Think about the power of our minds with the music and even the smells and different things. I would encourage people not to sit at home. If they can, go to the community centers, go to the libraries, get out and join some groups that are interesting If it's photography, whatever it is because that social aspect we're social beings. That's why social media is so popular. We need to be connected, not just younger generations, but all generations. We need that interaction that that will always be, from the probably till we die. We need someone to talk, to laugh and engage our five senses, and so I would say start slow but get out of the house if you can, and if you can't, there are so many things online that you could join little classes or little movements. There's a lot of exercise you could do seated.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And then eventually it's like pumping Exactly. And it doesn't matter if you have a walk or if you have a cane. If you keep that movement going, even if it's steps, everything counts. But if you're having fun, it would be a lot better than saying, oh, this is like one.

Speaker 1:

I mean if you put on that music of your time. I love the idea. Yeah, like go back to throw back the music that you danced to in high school and college.

Speaker 2:

Exactly.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so you've mentioned trying new things and you've been an advocate of being a lifelong learner Not totally brand new to you, but you picked up Tai Chi recently. How did you discover Tai Chi and what drew it to you? What drew you to it, I guess?

Speaker 2:

So in 2017, I became a Tai Chi for health instructor and that was way out of my comfort zone. I probably had the myth, like other people, to say that's not my culture. I don't know anything about that. I know it's slow movement.

Speaker 2:

I kind of knew it was about martial arts but I really didn't know this Tai Chi for health. It really caught my attention because it was specific to medical conditions. And so the founder is out of Australia, dr Paul Lamb. He created this out of many forms of Tai Chi but with a lot of health leaders, and one of the things he created was a Tai Chi for fall prevention. And I thought, wow so, and seated Tai Chi and it's fun, you don't need any special exercise, any special equipment to do it. And I thought and the other thing I really loved about it was it factored in people's unique considerations that meant that someone had a stroke and they couldn't move on one side of their body. Then you focus and breathe and you lift up One arm and you, in your mind, you think about lifting both arms, even though you're not lifting both arms and the power of the mind, the brain doesn't know the difference, and your body is experiencing like if you were moving and studies behind research, studies behind it, research. And so that means, even if you were seated and you're doing exercises, there's even been studies that if you're sitting in the room where people are doing Tai Chi, just that like moving meditation, that we call it, that peacefulness, that calmness, that all of that is, you know, aligning your posture, I mean all these things build that confidence.

Speaker 2:

And when I the first time that I was in a room with all ages, people that were older than me, some people that were younger, I thought, wow, I found my people. I never thought, I've never take ballet class. I'm not a dancer per se and our Western mentality is no pain, no gain, rush, rush, rush, go, go, go. And Tai Chi is very slow and smooth and you have to focus. And I always tell people it's like tuning into a radio station back in the day when we had to turn the dial, if you could hear that that fuzz, that, all that, that. So. But when you're clear on that one station, it's coming in very clear. And so when you're doing tai chi, you have to focus on what you're doing and really you, you get into that, into Zen. It's almost like a marathon runner, that's running, and they get that, you know that right, they get that groove in it and it's. It's just such a yes, it's such a powerful exercise and I just thought if it can help older adults start to move, then I'm over it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, it sounds like there's so many benefits, but if you could name three, could you explain three ways that Tai Chi is able to help people dealing with like arthritis? You mentioned fall prevention and then even maybe, memory care.

Speaker 2:

So because they're repetitive motions, I've had people in class that didn't speak English and didn't speak Spanish. I also speak Spanish, but just showing them the movement they were able to move and so easily memory care there is. I didn't tell you, but there's Tai Chi for memory.

Speaker 1:

And so I'm an instructor for that as well.

Speaker 2:

But the movements in our humanity. You know we can look, even when other things leave us, even speech, and we can still follow that and get benefits from that. So not only building confidence and building the strength and flexibility and what we call songing our joints, you know, being able to stretch them from within, teaching someone how to breathe and align that spine, it just gives all the organs you know makes you feel better just the energy of it. And so I tell people, try it. I mean, I think, and that would be with anything, if someone tried it and said, well, I like it, but it's not for me, or I could do this exercise. Then do that one exercise that aligns that spine, that helps you feel better, that helps you gain more flexibility and strength in your legs.

Speaker 2:

I read an article not too long ago that the strength in your legs, the stronger your legs are, the longer that you'll live, and I started thinking about that. That is interesting. And as we age we often they say we don't grow taller, we start to shrink. But what if you could practice Tai Chi that aligned the spine and you did stretching exercises that actually helped with the posture, that you're not shrinking, that you feel more confident.

Speaker 2:

On your feet, there's been different studies and they can't explain it. On your feet, there's been, you know, different studies and they can't explain it. And so I'm thinking isn't it wonderful that we could do something that's natural and not another pill to take? I really don't like taking medications myself and I think a lot of medications have a lot of side effects and I always say how many medications are too many as we age? Is it five? And I always say how many medications are too many as we age? Is it 5, 10, 15? I mean, you go to some people's homes, grandparents' homes, and you see the whole counter full of pills and it's like that cannot be.

Speaker 1:

You know the best for our bodies. I think that you are the best person that could have stumbled upon Tai Chi Connie, for older adults and being an advocate for it. It was interesting and valuable to learn about and I think it's something that I'm going to start recommending to people that I work with that are getting older to try, like I said, slow movements, all of the benefits that come along with it. I love it with it. I love it Well these generation.

Speaker 2:

If you think about it, the things we're talking about, even though we're talking about older adults, this is for every age how much anxiety that younger generations and older generations are dealing with since COVID, post COVID, and we don't know what is going to happen with all types of events I don't like, don't talk about. A lot, even in our country, is a lot of the violence and gun violence, and so then I also do Tai Chi for kids.

Speaker 2:

And so there is like the big buzzword I've heard a lot is self-regulation. Well, self-regulation is learning how to calm ourselves and I thought what better way than Tai Chi? A lot of people find it hard to meditate. I'm not a very good meditator, my mind will start wandering. But if I'm moving and I'm moving slowly and continuously with the Tai Chi principles of you know, thinking about what I'm doing, and that I'm moving slowly and continuously with the Tai Chi principles of you know, thinking about what I'm doing, and that I'm slowly, like underwater, I find myself just exercising, but relaxed. It's like there's benefit to slowing down. I think I heard a TED talk recently about slowing down and the benefits of that.

Speaker 2:

And I thought yeah, not in our Western mentality.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's something we need more of and I think a lot of people can have that same solace in Tai Chi. That also brings exercise, and just finding that for your individual self is incredible. And this I have to wrap it up it's crazy how fast the 30 minutes went. I've really enjoyed learning about just everything you've done and the impact of moving on all facets of getting older. I know you're on LinkedIn, but if people wanted to reach out to you, what should they do?

Speaker 2:

They could go to the Tai Chi for Health website, tchiorg, and so I'm there. I'm also part of the United States Tai Chi community, which is ustccorg.

Speaker 1:

Awesome. I think people should reach out and get more. I might take a Tai Chi class myself Tai.

Speaker 2:

Chi is really good. But you know the the bottom line is try something to get movement in your day, and if it's fun, it could be line dancing, it could be whatever makes you really happy from within, and because if we are happy from within, we're going to share that happiness with the world, and that's what the world needs more of 100% agree, connie, everybody.

Speaker 1:

Connie Asif, I appreciate you jumping on and spending some time with myself and all of our listeners.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, thanks, Connie.