Senior Care Academy - A Helperly Podcast
Senior Care Academy is the podcast for caregivers, senior care providers, and families with aging loved ones. Hosted by experienced professionals, we explore essential topics like elder care planning, dementia support, financial advice, and emotional wellness for caregivers.
Each episode offers expert insights, practical tips, and resources to help you navigate senior care with confidence. Whether you're a healthcare provider, a family member supporting aging parents, or a senior adult seeking guidance, this podcast delivers actionable advice tailored to your needs.
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Senior Care Academy - A Helperly Podcast
Bridging Generations Through Conversation ft. Danniel Worthen-Cullumber
The walls between generations seem to grow taller each year. Teenagers roll their eyes at grandparents who "just don't get it," while seniors shake their heads at youth who "don't care enough." But what if these misconceptions are actually preventing some of life's most enriching relationships?
Licensed clinical social worker Danniel Worthen-Cullumber joins us to dismantle these barriers with wisdom gained from decades working with both ends of the age spectrum. Her insights reveal something surprising: our discomfort with older generations often stems from fear of our own aging future. By creating distance through stereotypes, we protect ourselves from confronting our inevitable journey.
Danniel shares powerful observations about what each generation truly needs. For seniors, regular interaction combats the growing invisibility they feel as society pushes them to the margins. For younger people, these relationships provide something increasingly rare: adults who genuinely listen without judgment. "Teenagers just want to be heard," Danniel explains, "and I guarantee you that senior is going to listen."
The most transformative connections happen in everyday moments, not just holiday gatherings. Whether it's teaching grandma to use a smartphone or learning about historical events from someone who lived through them, these exchanges build bridges across decades of different experiences. Danniel's simple but profound advice—"Ask the question, you'll get the answer"—opens doorways to extraordinary stories and mutual understanding.
For families navigating the delicate balance of supporting aging loved ones while preserving their dignity, this episode offers practical guidance on maintaining autonomy while strengthening bonds. You'll discover how to identify what seniors truly want versus what they need, and how asking this simple question transforms relationships.
Whether you're caring for aging parents, hoping to connect with grandchildren, or simply wanting to enrich your life through intergenerational friendships, this conversation will forever change how you approach these vital human connections.
• Danniel's journey began as a CNA working with seniors, discovering it was "the hardest job she ever loved"
• Depression rates among seniors entering care facilities are alarmingly high, particularly for those who lose independence
• Misconceptions create barriers - young people often think seniors "don't get them," while seniors believe youth "don't care" or "aren't responsible"
• Young people may distance themselves from seniors as a way to avoid confronting their own future aging
• Intergenerational programs like those at Neighborhood House demonstrate how seniors' mental capacities "light up" when interacting with children
• Communication between generations improves when focused on common interests rather than generational differences
• Consistency matters more than grand gestures - regular Tuesday visits mean more than just showing up on holidays
• Seniors provide what teenagers crave most: someone who genuinely listens without judgment
• The value of older adults' experiences and stories provides perspective that can't be gained elsewhere
• Practical advice for families: "Ask the question, you'll get the answer" to discover connections
• Maintaining dignity and autonomy for seniors is crucial - avoid taking away rights as abilities change
For those seeking support as caregivers or those working with aging loved ones, Danniel's practice Willow Medela Wellness offers resources. Caregivers face high burnout rates and often benefit from professional guidance through life transitions and emotional challenges.
Hey, joining us today is Danielle Worthen-Colomber, a licensed clinical social worker with years of experience in mental health care. She is here to shine insights on how we can break down the barriers, encourage connection and empower families to create stronger intergenerational bonds. Whether you're a caregiver, a parent or a teen looking to connect with your grandparent, this episode is going to be packed with wisdom just for you. I'm super excited to have you, danielle. Thanks for joining, kind of jumping in and starting. What inspired you to work in the mental health and therapy, especially adolescents and seniors? Kind of got both ends of the spectrum.
Speaker 2:Well, I fortunately had my stepmother wrote the handbook for CNAs for Utah for my teacher and she would train future CNAs from the school direct clear back in the early 90s Wow, all through. And so I had originally wanted to be a CNA because I loved being with my elders Growing up it seemed like they had the best stories. I just always gelled well with them and, being the oldest grandchild of 40-plus kids, that generational gap was like my best babysitter let's just say, but I actually got into geriatrics and senior care, more so because I loved the medical aspect.
Speaker 2:I wanted to be a pediatrician when I grew up but I had hurt my back while in my pre-training days as a CNA, so that kind of shelved that for a little bit. So what ended up happening was I found out it was the hardest job that I ever loved. I was a caregiver and that was as simple as that. So what ended up happening was I became a habilitation therapist for special needs and they also had a geriatric community there and I personally got to be with them and then eventually became a recreational therapist Wow, therapist. And I actually worked in the care facilities providing holistic care through activities and trying to help our geriatric community with their mental health, because statistically at that time the highest depression rate and for suicides were those 16 plus losing their home going into care facilities because of care.
Speaker 1:Yeah, isn't that still the statistic? It's like men over 65 have the highest suicide rate per capita. It's crazy.
Speaker 2:Exactly. But we found that it was the geriatric community that the depression just skyrocketed. And this is back before we even were just barely to be able to diagnose for bipolar and things. So my journey in mental health was boots on the ground, learning it firsthand, and I had a consultant that I had to sign up on my notes because I was just a recreation technician in these environments and he had to do a licensure as an lcsw. So I actually ended up having already a social work lens and I eventually went into social work and the rest is history. I'm currently in my doctor program at simmons university for my dsw and I have a year and a half left.
Speaker 1:Wow, you're getting close, yes.
Speaker 2:But all through the years, geriatrics and family bonding with intergenerational connection is the biggest thing, because we have a lot of families who are the sandwich generation, where they take care of the kids and their parents, yep. Then there's the ones that don't have anyone to take care of, and the mental health part of it is depending on the generation. They're not able to talk about the stigmas of struggling and not being able to care for themselves, especially when your quality of life goes downhill so quickly.
Speaker 1:I'm curious, as you mentioned a little bit about intergenerational, what are some of the most heartwarming intergenerational connections that you've witnessed so far from your work?
Speaker 2:You know, I think one of my funnest ones was through neighborhood house.
Speaker 2:They are like the oldest adult daycare and the oldest child daycare. That in this like Valley and I in the Salt Lake Valley and I was the activity director there and they provided intergenerational activities with the preschoolers. They would bring them over and we got to work with adults and all the way to the senior citizens and the way that the mental capacity of a person who's lost connection lights up with a child Wow. So it's like this memory comes back because in truth, if you're looking at the polar opposites, you are literally bookending it. You're either you're the freest when you're young, you're not as free as you're old, but when you don't have anything, I feel like you're pretty mentally free as you're old, but when you don't have anything to worry about, I feel like you're pretty mentally free when you're old, but you're maybe less physically free.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, right, exactly so. I think the biggest was watching my own children getting to be able to go to work with me and interact with my clients. That's awesome Because that's beautiful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my clients, that's awesome. Yeah, throughout your time at like Neighborhood House and then beyond, just during in your clinical work. What are some of the biggest misconceptions that like the younger generation have around the older generation, like, ok, boomer was like really popular for a long time and all those things like? What misconceptions do you notice that if they weren't there, it would be a completely different world for both younger and old people?
Speaker 2:A couple. Last stigma with this is they don't get me, they don't know what I'm talking about. They smell. Younger kids are always like they smell. That was a bit. Younger kids are always like they smell. Funny, I'm like, well, there's a reason, um, and it's not you, it's actually you, can't you.
Speaker 2:You only know your own funk kid because you're a teenager um no, I think it's that they are scared to seeing that there is a future, that that's going to be them. I think that's really where the core of it is. It doesn't matter what age you are, we're all creeping towards that.
Speaker 1:That's interesting. Yeah, I've never thought about it that way before of like the reason why it feels like safer If you estrange them through these stigmas oh, that'll never be me because whatever, Like, I've never thought about it that way. How joking about old people are like hating on whatever things they smell. Funny. It helps put like a distance between you and them instead of yeah, that's super interesting. Actually, I'm like having this epiphany right now. But on the flip side, what are common misunderstandings that you've found that seniors have about, like today's youth?
Speaker 2:The big one. They don't care, they don't care. They're not responsible, they're not educated, they're lazy. The list can go on. Yeah, they're not educated, they're lazy. The list can go on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a lot. So how have you been able to kind of bridge that gap, bidirectionally, make it so that way? It's like they're just like you, for the younger generation, looking at seniors that don't get me blah, blah, blah, don't get me blah, blah, blah and the opposite of like. No, these younger kids are hardworking, they're smart, they're intelligent, just in different ways maybe than you're used to. They're not out working the ranch for 14 hours a day, but they have their own challenges, you know.
Speaker 2:Well, and you've got to understand too, depending on which age gap you're looking at maybe being your teens, your 20s, your 30s that is going to coincide with whatever age they were. Like that's an old person and that perception.
Speaker 2:So you have to kind of meet where their idea of that that can't be me. They're too old, they're forgetful, they're forgetful. When I was in my 20s this is when I was really in the middle of all the senior care there was a joke I used to say I didn't have regular friends. Either we're dying of something or 80 years or older were my friends. So about breaking the gap is it's just that communication piece is like creating a situation where they can talk to each other doing those activities. Um, it seems like the only time that young youth and when I mean youth, I'm 48, almost 49, so if you're younger than 48, you're a kiddo to me at this point.
Speaker 2:I already labeled myself as in that gap, but it's like I go what are your common interests? They don't have common interests Like, oh, y'all dated, y'all had families, y'all had cars. You know, find a common interest and listen to them. You might be surprised what you find out. And I can tell you I have met many friends that have passed on through my connections, from my mental health, my work, and I still value them. My memory is as clear as when I first talked to them. Yeah, because that resource is valuable, that human connection.
Speaker 1:I'm so curious on. You mentioned a few of like finding a common interest, but what? What are some communication challenges that come up between the older and younger generations? I feel like so badly wanting to. I see a lot of people so badly wanting to connect potentially, but, like you said this, like the sadness generation, where they you know, they didn't, weren't raised in a way maybe, where there's as much of this open communication and talk about all these things. So how do you bridge that gap?
Speaker 2:Well, I, when the thought that I was going to bring in glad you went back to. That was when I found the only time that seems to be a big focus is on anniversary times like birthdays and things.
Speaker 1:Don't make it just a seasonal thing like Christmas or things, because it's all fluff.
Speaker 2:People feel it's just genuine, yeah, and also they're forgotten. Making a goal to do something that smarts your community. The times that you're supporting your community, you're going to find those older generations because they have more time to connect. Like Mr and Mrs Golden, your pageant used to be on. They have these pageants, they have. Or, you know, olympics pageant needs to be on. They have these pageants, they have. Or, uh yeah, senior olympics.
Speaker 2:Or one of my favorite thing is we have the angel tree. Well, there's the. The golden angel is buying these gifts for the senior citizens, like making kind of like a thing that's not just for your family, for the, for a stranger, yeah, it connects. Um. Another way you can do this too is look at it also culturally. This is a big people don't think about as culturally. What is the community or the culture living in and what are the, the relationships in that family dynamic? So Polynesian Latino community and Asians they respect elders. It's all about family, familial aspects. Look at how that intersects and connects and how you can pull that into other demographics and cultures and see how that relates and you can see that you actually can relate more than you realize Because, if you look at it, it's no different than having first or second generations immigrants coming in, because that's another thing.
Speaker 2:It's like they don't get it. They're not from the no. We always have to put a bias because we don't want to say that we're struggling like they have or we're lacking what they have. Actually, they have more than us. They have more knowledge and quality of life. Because they see us successful, let's get back by saying thank you and continue what they want to teach us when they're not here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I love that. I think legacy is it can feed so much into. I can't remember what the book is called, but there's a book that talks about having older adults specifically like blood. If it's your grandparents it's great. But they did this longitudinal study of the fact that kids that had their grandparents in their life and kind of like knew their history, their family history, turned out much more successful and just generally successful later in life than those that didn't have kind of that advantage of having their grandparents.
Speaker 1:So talking about I love something else that you said that I love is like don't go on the typical, don't go on grandpa's birthday or Christmas. Like obviously do that, but also go on a Tuesday on your drive home from work and spend 30 minutes because it means so much more of like, oh my gosh, they went out of their way to spend dinner with me on a random Tuesday night, compared to this big extravagant Christmas dinner, thanksgiving dinner and then nothing for the next 12 months. But how can spending time with seniors benefit younger people, teenagers, young adults in terms of emotional intelligence and personal growth?
Speaker 2:You know, one thing about teenagers is they. I'm stereotyping here, okay, bear with me, that's all right.
Speaker 1:Because I do work with adolescents too, teenagers.
Speaker 2:They just want to be heard. Yep, they just want to be heard. I guarantee you that senior is going to listen and if you want to have a conversation, they will give you one. They always think it's all about me. No, it's actually. We just want to connect, just knowing that someone's being present. I guarantee, if you want a teenager to connect, have them try to teach someone about the cell a cell phone or a new picture.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, technology is hard for somebody. But when they feel like they're valued, the teenage, the kids will actually pay attention when they feel there's value in it. So, you've got to find something where there's a buy-in and that's for anybody. If there's a buy-in, people are more willing to show up for it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it makes me think about conversations that I've had with my grandpa. Like I remember when I was younger, like early adolescent. Um, you know grandpa's up here and he was a little bit like scary cause he was so stalwart or uh, uh, not stalwart, stoic, um, but now, talking about life and stuff with him, he's genuinely he's very like old, older fashioned, kind of maybe concert, like very on the conservative side, but he just like listens and does pretty well Not, you know, like I said, not judging, just like oh, wow, that's so cool. And I think that that's more of a commonality, because that's kind of the stage of life that older adults are in, is they want to share and be with their younger people. So, on the flip side of the coin, what mental health benefits are there? I think of like Eric Erickson and his studies and things.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, stages of life Absolutely, eric Erickson is like one of my favorite things to talk to people about, actually, yeah, it's so good.
Speaker 1:But on the flip side of the mental, what are the mental health benefits for seniors that interact with younger people in general regularly? Ideally it's like their kin, but if not just somebody at Costco, you know.
Speaker 2:It goes back to community. It's like we want someone to connect with. We don't want to feel alone. We want to be not invisible, don't want to feel alone. We want to be not invisible. And as we age we become more invisible and we get folded into the shadows, especially when a mental health aspect is impacting our ability to go out in the community or even take care of ourselves. That's the problem, is that? That's why the whole smell thing comes in, because when you're depressed, you're not able to take care of yourself as well. You're lucky that you can wake up or not be able to have enough energy, maybe because you can't afford. It could be actually economic too, because you can't have the money to go visit somebody or travel. There's all these aspects, but the mental health part, on their end, is where they can find community.
Speaker 2:I'll use personal experience. Even though I've been prepared for things, my parents had finally got to that point where they were the people I was taking care of when I was in my 20s. My father just passed away, um last september, shy of turning 70. My mother just turned 70. My mother is very active, but she's been a widow for six years and the hardest thing when she was a widow was she didn't feel like she belonged anymore, she couldn't get out there and she kept being in a loop and I had to keep showing up, but then I finally was like going wait, we got to break the cycle that I'm the one person that is just for you.
Speaker 2:So she tried different things. She tried the senior center. They're too old.
Speaker 1:She's in that generation thing too.
Speaker 2:But she finally found her community and she just basically had to find what helps, but also knowing that she's still capable, she's not losing her mind because she lives alone, she travels, she goes to Bear Lake, aricota goes to.
Speaker 1:Bear Lake every couple weeks.
Speaker 2:She has her two dogs. I live not far from her but I don't have to see her every single day to know that she's okay. We talk, we text, she uses the computer, she's functional. I had to convince my own siblings that no, mom's not losing her mind, because you come see her for a couple days and you're just noticing these gaps. She's telling you the same stories over and over again because you're the only ones that are able to listen and you have heard her in like the 110th degree time.
Speaker 2:But on the other side, my stepmother, who had been the caregiver all the way up to when my father passed away. The grandkids have come and lived with her and stayed with her. They visit, they're constantly, having Sunday dinner every other week and bless my stepmom's heart. She's been a widow four times and even with my father this last time, after being married 26 years. It never got easier. So being able to show up and knowing that, no matter what stage you are, there is some form of grief going on, and check in and let them understand that that is hard and don't force them to do anything that you don't want to, that's the other thing. When somebody dies or when there's a physical ailment or a decrease in cognitive ability, first thing people want to do is take away their rights. Don't do that, people, please. I'm begging you, because do you want your rights taken away from you?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:When you are still capable and functioning and thriving. Hey, I don't know about you, but when I'm sick or when I'm sad, I'm going to be opposite-minded. I am not going to be able to show up 100% of the time. Nobody's any different and it doesn't matter what age that can be, from a little kid all the way up to a 99-year-old. I took care of a woman until she was 102. She lived through two pandemics. She did not die from the pandemic this last time, it was just old age and she was traveling, up until she was 99 years old, around the world and I got to hear her stories.
Speaker 2:So, taking the value of those times you get to visit, I mean watch an old movie, for Pete's sake, learn about, oh, I met this person you get to visit, I mean watch an old movie, for pete's sake, learn about. Oh, I met this person, my, my client that passed away of 102. I got to see pictures of her, uh, on a memory from facebook on the queen mary wow, I've been to the queen mary. That is like so badass. Sorry for the language. These are things that we don't get to think that there's an opportunity we're missing out on. But the one thing is always know that if you're going to whatever you do, make sure you're having dignity for the person, yep, respect and don't take that moment for granted, because you're going to learn something that you want when you're in their shoes, in their spot, in the future.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. I think that little nugget of putting yourself in their shoes, like you said, like they're as, as things, it's not always all in once, like maybe it's they can't go skiing anymore and they did for 40 years, like there are all these like micro losses that they're going through, and it's like, if you flip the script, if I couldn't go skiing anymore, if I couldn't golf, if I couldn't go visit my buddy anymore cause he'd passed away, like I would be maybe not all the way myself either, you know, and so being able to really envision yourself living the life that they currently are and just having that sympathy, that empathy with everyone, is so important. And I think, yeah, for families that are really struggling to bridge that generational gap between their seniors and their family and the younger people.
Speaker 2:I would first start with asking what they want and then also asking what they need and defining what is which Okay, because what we want is not always what we need and what we need is not always what we want and that could be with anything. And when we're bridging that gap, we find we have more. It's like the basic Maslow hierarchy care, if our basic needs are being met, nothing else matters. And if we can find out where that gap is and we can fill that void, you're going to find there's more connection happening.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's literally creating a cause for action in anything, in our relationships, our dialogue, our presence for things, our people. Heck, I mean, you may not be able to be able to have the same conversation about politics to um outroot. I make it up this, and there's a little bread and butter cobbler that you could like nanny to make. You find out. We have traditions. Ask the questions, you'll get the answers. That's how you bridge the gap. Ask the question. Question, you'll get the answer.
Speaker 1:I love that. Yeah, it makes me think about when I was 15, I was just going out fishing with my grandpa, like we did often. We didn't talk a bunch, but it was kind of like this weird realization of like, oh my gosh, you're 70. So that means you've been around 55 years before I was even on this earth. What did you do when you were my age and I learned that donkey basketball was a thing in Idaho and he just talked about how he was like an all-star on donkey basketball in a tiny town in Idaho and I was like that's the coolest thing ever. And so, yeah, ask the question, you'll get the answer.
Speaker 2:I remember being a little kid when I was probably five or six. I used to. They had black. My dad still had a black and white TV. My parents had been divorced since I was born. I used to go Dad.
Speaker 2:What was it like to be black and white in the 50s? Because I was born in 1955? That was my perception, because that was my reference and what we find out is the references. I'm like I still love the information. I have like going because I heard a story from someone who had been there and because I heard a story from someone who had been there. I knew a person that lived during Topaz and I was like, oh, what was it like to be a Japanese-American during that? And she's like, oh, we had, the ones of us in Utah had more rights.
Speaker 2:I'm like I got to find out these really cool things. I have met survivors of the Holocaust. These are opportunities that no one else got to meet. I used to know the former lieutenant governor and became her mayor. I forgot her name Because my job, she wasn't my client. I just happened to be in an event because nobody else wanted to go to the event after a conference. I mean putting yourself in these positions of meeting these people that have history are golden and no one can take that from you. But you have to open your mouth and open your ears and look at what the opportunities are presenting to you. And that's where, when people are saying, how do I do it, I'm like first going ask yourself what are you wanting from?
Speaker 1:it yeah.
Speaker 2:Because if you're going in with the wrong perception and idea, you're going to hit the brick wall every time. You're going to have closed doors, you're going to have closed windows, you're not going to have connection. One thing about communication is, as a therapist, it goes back to this Are you talking with the person or versus act? And that's where we also go with parent to child, adult child to parent to even great grandparents. Are we listening? And all the way down?
Speaker 1:Yeah, are we listening? And on the way down, yeah, that was a beautiful, beautiful explanation, um, that we blew right past the 25. That was very. We could go on and on and on. This is awesome, um, kind of. In closing, I'd like that's like period. That was a great ending point, um, but is there anything else that you would want to share? Or if you're trying to get in front of specific people or something ways that people can connect with you, that would be great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I actually started on the founder and started my practice of Willow Medela Wellness. Medela is M-E-D-E-L-A because no one can spell it, because I probably don't pronounce it right, because it's a Latin root word. But if people want to know how to connect with being as a caregiver because being a caregiver there's a higher burnout rate they die sooner than they're older a spouse or a partner or a friend that is elderly or struggling, no matter what age reach out for support. Use your numbers of 2-1-1 for information. There is talk about the hard question about support for hospice and palliative care. You can come ask the question. I don't have a problem with talking about it. You don't even have to come for therapy. I mean, these are life-changing events that people need a space to feel heard and valued in, especially in the emotion, because we don't know what to deal with or what we're doing, because we've never been there. We've only observed it through other people's lenses.
Speaker 1:And these are those lenses have already been skewed at some point. Yeah, and we've already had a bias. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, danielle, it's been super fun and I I can check mark. People should reach out to you if they need any sort of support. So I'm excited that your clinic is opening up yeah, good luck in the next year and a half finishing up your phd, that's huge.
Speaker 2:It's actually a doctorate, it's my.
Speaker 1:PhD, doctorate yeah, it's a totally different degree. Wow, which is awesome. Awesome. Okay, thanks so much, danielle.
Speaker 2:Thank you.