Senior Care Academy - A Helperly Podcast

Making Holidays Work For Aging Parents: Real Barriers, Simple Fixes, Lasting Moments

• Helperly, Caleb Richardson • Season 5 • Episode 1

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Holiday magic can feel heavy when you’re juggling aging parents, scattered schedules, and tight budgets. We dive into what actually makes the season hard for older adults—loneliness, mobility limits, chronic conditions, grief, and the quiet pressure to spend—and we share straightforward ways to make celebrations safer, calmer, and more meaningful without overhauling your plans. From thoughtful seating and shorter visits to familiar music and low-stimulation spaces, you’ll get practical ideas you can use this week.

We also talk about money stress on fixed incomes, why “I’m fine” can hide real barriers, and how a single follow-up question often opens the door to real inclusion. For caregivers, we map out how to split duties, tap respite resources, and set realistic expectations so the load doesn’t crush the joy. And because memories matter, we offer a simple approach to honoring legacy: ask your parent or grandparent for the one tradition that matters most and build around it, even if other rituals fade.

By the end, you’ll know how to invite with intention, adapt with empathy, and create connection that lasts—whether that means a dedicated chair for grandma, a quick FaceTime during present opening, or a 30-minute visit that means the world. If you found value here, subscribe, share this episode with someone supporting an older loved one, and leave a review to help more families find practical senior care guidance.

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome back to Senior Care Academy. Today's episode, we're going to be talking about holidays and how they can affect seniors because while holidays are a time of joy and connection, they also can bring emotional, physical, financial strain, and a lot of the times, especially for older adults and if they and their caregivers if they have family caregivers. So in this episode, we're going to talk about why holidays can be challenging for seniors, provide some strategies to try to reduce some stress, and then talk about ways that you can pretty simply create meaningful celebrations while also making sure that your elderly loved ones are accounted for and that they're also enjoying it. We're going to also talk about some national trends to try to better understand the challenges. So if you're looking for practical tips to make this holiday season enjoyable for everyone, yourself and your elderly loved ones, and tune in. It's going to be a solo pod, so it'll just be a little bit of a shorter one. So first I want to talk about the reasons why holidays can be really stressful for seniors or difficult. So a lot of seniors live alone, especially if their spouse has passed, or even and even sometimes we try to mentally stuff them away. Like they move, oh, they're in an assisted living, they have all these friends, but even within the facility, they do their best to make it not feel lonely. Um but during the holiday season, it's difficult because they're missing loved ones. Even if they have friends, they have other seniors that are living around them within their facility. They might be missing their kids and their grandkids or their great-grandkids thinking about them on the holiday because they might not be able to visit them. Um because families have a hard time struggling to make time for their elderly loved ones. Like myself included, I wish I was not a part of this. But like every other year, um, you know, I'm able to swing by for a little bit to Thanksgiving dinners with my grandparents. Um, you know, Christmas, I try to call them, but at this point I'm married. Um, so I've got my family, my wife's family. We have two kids of our own, so we want to have our own thing. And it just gets really busy. So it's not uncommon, even for seniors that are incredibly loved throughout the entire year, to feel lonely during like the holiday season because it's just hard. Families keep multiplying. Um there's a national study done by the National Institute of Aging that talks about that um one in four older adults in the U.S. experience social isolation, um, which we've talked about this a lot on this podcast, where social isolation itself, while it's a huge bummer, it also has serious health implications like depression, uh, higher risk of dementia, high risk of heart disease, high risk of a premature death. And so it just gets exacerbated. Like if you think about everybody, the rest of the population, like the um seasonal depression, like all of these things are present and sometimes even more so with older adults. The next reason why holidays can be really tough for older adults is health and mobility challenges, especially if you live in a state like Utah or one that has all four seasons where it gets a little bit more slick and scarier to drive. Um, so things like limited mobility, cognitive illnesses, um, cognitive decline can make it really difficult for them to fully participate, right? Like if you're trying to do a family get together on Thanksgiving, but it snowed and they feel uneven or uneasy walking to their vehicle to get to the dinner, um, that can limit them. Or if they want to go to dinner but they know there's gonna be a ton, a ton of sweets and they have diabetes, um, there's just all these little things that we don't think about a lot of the time. We send the invite, um, if that happens. Sometimes the invite doesn't even happen. But if we do, um, we're not thinking about all of the other implications of getting to this uh event if it's a Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas morning or something like that. Um there's a national perspective. So according to the CDC, 80% of older adults in the US have at least one chronic condition. So, like arthritis, diabetes, heart disease, other things like that, that affects their ability to engage in holiday um activities. And you probably know your aging loved ones um if they have one. I mean, four out of five people do, so they probably do, and if you don't, you should see if they do. And then try to make accommodations for it um to just make it adaptable so they can celebrate with you more than like if they're able to come out to celebrate with you, it's awesome. Um, and if not, then go and your your adaptation might just be spending 30 minutes with them at their place instead. Um, the next is financial concerns, is another reason why the holidays are difficult. Um, like if they're on a fixed income, it can make holidays super expensive gifts for all their kids and grandkids and friends and spouse, and then traveling if you live even two hours away if they have to drive these days. That's like a couple hundred bucks in gas, potentially. Um, and then special meals, like outside of what they normally are purchasing their groceries. And so it's also if you put yourself in their perspective, their shoes, you know, for eight however many years, 18 years of your life, you they were the one that made the holiday special. They got all the gifts, they made all the dinner, they spent all the money to make it cool, and now um, you know, if they're retired, and hopefully um they're not part of the the majority of people that retire without sufficient savings that are just living on a fixed income. But if they are, then now there is this tinge of embarrassment if you're in their perspective of like, oh, you know, I I was the one that made all these gifts for forever, and now I can't do anything. Um, and so it is tough there. And then the last like big one that makes the holidays tough for older adults is the grief or nostalgia, um, which are interesting, they're both in the same vein, but different. So grief is they're reminded of a loved one that they used to have around, and maybe they used to love Christmas or love this holiday, and now they're not here with them anymore. Um, but it also I like to think about nostalgia and how that is also difficult, where grief is you are you're missing something. Um, and nostalgia is you're missing something, but for the opposite. Like maybe you have a really happy memory, they have a happy memory of 30 years ago when you were still at home and they were the one running Christmas or 40 or 50 years ago. And it's just like it fills them with happiness because they're thinking about this memory, but then after that memory's gone, it fills them with sadness of like, oh my gosh, that was you know 50 years ago. I'm 80 years old now, my kids aren't around. Um, and so it's really an interesting um emotion, nostalgia is, I think. And so they're trying to manage their own grief while also trying to be excited for you as their kid or grandkid, being able to experience the holidays like they used to experience it. Um so it's an interesting thing. So, like being able to acknowledge their emotion and their reality, like watching you experience the holidays as as their kid or grandkid. Um, and so while also encouraging storytelling and trying to help honor them. So now the pivot a little bit talking about how can we help these things, how can we overcome some of these barriers that are making it really tough for seniors to um enjoy the next six to eight weeks. Um so first is encourage social interactions. Um obviously this is pretty basic, but um I think a lot of people are always nervous to encourage things because like, oh, it's mom, they're she's fine, like, or it's grandma, she's fine, and there's like this um feeling like we don't want to cross the line. But it's key to emotional well-being, and so just little nudges. So make the effort to um, you know, say, hey, there's this thing going on, um or it could be even like in my example. So I'm one of ten kids. Uh my mom's an empty nester now. She's not old by any means, she's uh just turned 60, but she is an empty nester. She has like however many grandkids are right now, like eight or nine. Um, and all of her kids have their different like holiday and Christmas things going on, and she's alone. And the effort that my wife and I made, we just said, hey mom, I don't know if you have plans on Christmas morning, but if you'd like, um, we have a guest bedroom, you can come and you know be a part of it with us and our little boys. So always try to invite them, make an effort to help them feel included. Even if they say no, um, and maybe dig once, you know, if they say no, I don't want to make I can't make it to Thanksgiving dinner, be like, oh, what's going on? What other plans do you have? And position it that way of like, oh, that's so exciting. What are you doing? And if they say, Oh, well, nothing, I just don't think I can make it, then you can say, Oh, why? And then, oh, because the car, it's hard to get out of bed, it's hard to whatever. Um, because a lot of times they might say no because of that second health and mobility issue. And they'll just say, No, no, no, I don't want to bother, whatever. So always ask the second question to see if they have other plans, which is incredible, or if they're just saying no because they have a different concern. So um, and then there's also like national resources. If maybe, maybe uh it's your in-laws' year, like my sister, her in-laws live in one of the Midwestern Wisconsin, maybe, um, they're gonna be gone this year. And so you can say, hey, there's AARP, um, has online community stuff, or hey, I saw that our local senior center is having a Thanksgiving lunch, um, and just try to help connect and break the ice for a local thing if you, as their loved one, aren't able to like involve them. Um, the next tip is to adapt the celebration to meet their needs. So depending on, again, we talked a little bit about um their health concerns, so like chronic illnesses or mobility or whatever. Um, there's also emotional concerns, so maybe they don't like large gatherings. Um if you have yourself and if you're doing this huge Friendsgiving and there's gonna be 40 people, um, that might be a turnoff for them. So maybe think, oh, let's do this big Friendsgiving in the day after Thanksgiving. We'll have a little, you know, uh after party dinner where it can just be you and them. If travel's difficult, maybe mail them their Christmas present and then jump on Zoom or uh FaceTime. Um just something adapting it to what they're capable of doing um is easier than you'd think without totally like just re-overhauling all of your plans of oh, now we have to go out of state to go visit mom because whatever, we're gonna go to Christmas at her house, which is awesome. That's like best case scenario. But just including mom by sending her a gift and saying, hey, let's FaceTime Christmas morning while my kids open presents, um, just goes a really long way for. Next is to kind of manage the holiday-related anxiety. So try to um this is more, I guess, for dementia type things, but over stimulation. If there's too much noise, too much decorations, it's super hectic, it can be kind of scary for those that are experiencing memory loss. And so if you have an elderly loved one that has dementia or they're going through um a different kind of memory decline or cognitive decline, play familiar music. Um, try to stick if you have lifelong traditions that they've been doing ever since they were seven, you know, stick with that tradition. Um, and then just try to keep it really simple to make it so that way it's not a stressful thing, especially for those with um cognitive decline. But even those that don't have that, there's still holiday-related stress of like, oh, what if they don't like my gift, or oh, this or that, and just like think about them as you're setting up the party. Um try to make it. I just think about my wife's grandma. She has a really hard time getting in and out of chairs, and also like just a regular kitchen table chair is not good for her. And thinking about her holiday-related anxiety, coming to a Thanksgiving dinner and being like, I can't sit in that chair, and I don't want to burden anybody, and like that's something that might be going through her head. So managing that and just having it set up where there's a comfortable chair or there's something that's special. Oh, that's grandma's chair. It also makes it fun. I remember having that when I was younger at family functions where there was like a special chair. We always wanted it, and it's like, no, that's that's for grandma. Um and so it can make it so they don't even have to think about it, they could just get to show up and have fun. Um other things is supporting caregivers. So if you are the caregiver or if you have a sibling that you know is a caregiver, um, they just take on a lot of responsibility during the holidays. Like if one person's responsible for getting mom to all these different parties um and watching her nonstop, it makes it so the holiday is not a fun experience. Um, so try to share among family members, even if there's a primary caregiver throughout the rest of the year during the holidays, maybe say, Hey, sister, um, you know, I can sub out for this week or whatever. Um, so that way you can give them a break uh and then encourage respite care. There's a lot of organizations out there that um have resources for respite care to make it free through insurance. And if it's not free through insurance, it's worth you know spending the hundred and hundred to three hundred dollars to give that family caregiver the full morning with their family, you know. Um, and then also just try to help them set realistic expectations, like it's gonna be a lot of work, and you have to schedule out and decide when you're gonna have self-care throughout the next six weeks in the holiday season when there's Christmas parties and Thanksgiving dinners and um friend parties, and everybody wants to come visit grandpa during that time. Um, so just doing that. And then the last little thing that I want to talk about is trying to during this time honor traditions while also making one. So this is something that I've wrestled with a lot. Um, because I've my wife and I, we now have two little boys, and we're trying to like figure out what traditions we want to have. Um, I grew up with traditions, she grew up with traditions, my mom uh has traditions, her parents grew up with different traditions, and trying to respect the traditions that we've had that mean so much to our elderly loved ones, our mom, our parents, and our grandparents, um, but also can be overwhelming, especially as we're trying to come up with our own. So ask, um imagine that, ask, just use your words, like I tell my four-year-old all the time, use your words. Um, and just ask them, say, like, what's your favorite holiday tradition? What's the one that's the most important to you? Um, you know, if you had to pick only one Christmas tradition, what would you want it to be? And then just find ways to incorporate that one because traditions can be overwhelming if you have 17 different things that you try to do on Christmas morning to make it special. Um, but finding the one that they really like and then just incorporate that big piece of their past celebrations. Uh, favorite meal could be one, or favorite decorations, or like my family, one that I brought from my childhood to my marriage, um, is when we come down the stairs on Christmas morning, everybody we line up and full cover each other's eyes. The person behind you covers your eyes, walk into the living room, and then we all look at it at the same time. That was like one that I really enjoyed as a kid that we decided to carry on and not. There's a lot of other ones that we kind of sprinkle in. But um so kind of just going over it again, it's difficult. It can be difficult to go through the holiday season, even for the most loved and supported older adults in our lives because of loneliness, you know, health, physical or mental health, um, grief, nostalgia, financial concerns. And there's pretty um, there's a lot of simple ways to help it be a little bit less lonely, a little bit less full of grief or sadness, um, without totally uh overturning and uprooting all the plans that you had for your family um and your kids or your grandkids if you're if you're like my mom, where she still wants to go and visit her parents, but now she has set 11 grandkids that she also wants to participate with. So just the word of advice is always to put yourself in their shoes and say, okay, imagine I'm 80, you know, I've had a good 25 years of holidays with my kids in the house, and then I had another like 25 years of holidays with grandkids, and now you know I'm older, everybody's doing their own thing. I don't want to be a burden. I also don't have the means to be able to spoil all my loved ones like I did when I was, you know, working normal. Um, and just with that frame of mind, say, okay, how can I do one thing to make it special for my elderly loved one? And that is my advice today. So if this episode was helpful, share it with somebody that you know that has an elderly loved one that is stressed about this holiday season coming up because they want it to be special for them. Um, and then follow us to learn more about how to help the most valuable generation, the seniors in our community, so we can ensure together that our elderly loved ones experience the holiday season and just the rest of their life and in a joyful way. Because aging should be a good thing.